Thursday, June 23, 2011

Biscuits & Gravy Gone Terribly Wrong

All day at work,  I was craving biscuits and gravy.  Thick, creamy, sausage-y gravy on warm, buttery, flaky biscuits.  Such longings made the Spanish rice I'd brought for lunch seem all the more disappointing, and I vowed that as soon as I got home, I would make biscuits and gravy for dinner. I knew I didn't have any sausage, but I thought I'd be able to figure something out.

Oh, foolish me.

I made the biscuits easily enough.  Sure, they were the Bisquick kind, but they would do.  The gravy was a bit more difficult.  I had the basic gravy components: butter, flour, milk, and seasoning.  What I didn't have was suitable meat.  I didn't even have ham lunch meat.  All I had was a hot dog, and a can of tuna. Clearly, those would never do.  But I wanted gravy, and gravy I was going to have.  So rather than (sanely) giving up and just eating the biscuits with butter and boysenberry jam, I decided to use some of the chicken flavor from a pack of Ramen.  And so I did.

Shockingly enough, chicken Ramen flavored gravy is not delicious. And so, employing my usual method of masking the flavor of something that is not delicious, I proceeded to add pepper. A lot of pepper. Enough pepper that the gravy turned gray.  Needless to say, it didn't really help. I put it on a biscuit anyway. And ate it.

This was a mistake.

The moral of the story is: Even if you're craving a certain food, if you don't have certain essential ingredients, don't even try.  Or chances are, you will find yourself lying on your bed in agony two hours later, regretting every decision you have ever made.

(What I made was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike the gravy in this picture)


  1. I heave just thinking about this. You're not allowed near the kitchen this weekend.

  2. Hey now. I will have you know that has been my only cooking disaster since I moved into my apartment.

    Besides, it runs in the family. Remember that time when you were visiting and my mother attempted caramel French toast?

  3. Ooh, yeah. That was bad. One time, she forgot the flour in brownies. Of course, one time I made banana bread that weighed, I would estimate, 927 pounds per loaf.